Great work everyone! Happy Rough Drafts!
Brandon: You really had a clear obsession with the game growing up. It was great to see you explore your relationship with the game and it was clear you had a wealth of knowledge. I felt the perspective you were coming from kept shifting throughout the piece, which created a unique flow. Although sometimes it created a bit of confusion. I love that the game really created a bond between you and your friends. Its clear that it meant something a twinge bit more to you all than a game. I like that you worked with comics, but I couldn't actually access it. I don't want to give you insincere feedback so all I can really say is go you for taking that risk!
Chlesee:
I respect your choice in writing not drawing. I made the same one, and am glad you took that risk too. The quote you used near the end of the blog really offered support for you and the reader as well. I think you could dive more into your journey with nursing school and this career path. It seems to have really shaped you and I'd love to hear more. The blog about the truck so was great. I loved seeing the child in you still be apart of you as an adult. I think this really captured apart of your personality. You repeated the word "truck" a lot and it added to the obsessive mindset. It also really emphasized your obsession for the reader.
Leena:Your blog about faith was extremely eloquent and left me wanting so much more. I think you could really dive into what happened to change your faith, maybe not a specific point but just how it came unraveled. I think you have a great, realistic outlook on the development of your faith and that is clear in this post. Write more. Always do! You really captured the nagging desire that kids have when they really want something. It was so great and made me laugh. I really loved that you used pink to add extra character to the piece. Both of these posts really showcased your range of ability with writing.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
La rad's stickers
Ummmm. Okm so I got these stickers in class today because the art teacher came in cause when I go up to forth grade next year I get to do arts and crafts. She brought in stcikers for all of us and I got blue construction paper. Everyone got a different color and
umm
she told us we got to take these stickers and put them however we liked on the paper and everyone had different stickers. Jessica next to me had animel stickers and they were really cool cayse I sawe the ducks and ducks are may favorite animel. Mine are glitter stars…which I really like
Cause there all different sizes and I started
Putting mine at the top of the paper to make a sky. So I made my sky and um and ummm and and umm all of the big stars were one side
All the little stars were on the other side and I thought about showing my mom cause she showed me the north star
One time
And
And I
Was abot to finish with all my stickers and she came around with new stickers. I didn’t add the new stickers cause some people ripped them open. But she told us to save them and not to open them cause we had to go home and do the same thing. With the stickers she gave. And then we were gonna bring that back to class next Tuesday.
umm
she told us we got to take these stickers and put them however we liked on the paper and everyone had different stickers. Jessica next to me had animel stickers and they were really cool cayse I sawe the ducks and ducks are may favorite animel. Mine are glitter stars…which I really like
Cause there all different sizes and I started
Putting mine at the top of the paper to make a sky. So I made my sky and um and ummm and and umm all of the big stars were one side
All the little stars were on the other side and I thought about showing my mom cause she showed me the north star
One time
And
And I
Was abot to finish with all my stickers and she came around with new stickers. I didn’t add the new stickers cause some people ripped them open. But she told us to save them and not to open them cause we had to go home and do the same thing. With the stickers she gave. And then we were gonna bring that back to class next Tuesday.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
She who taught me.
We were never blood related but we were connected at the soul.
I never really had a faith of my own but I always thought I wanted one.
I spent every summer at church camp but I was always to preoccupied with boys so I never though much of faith.
This year, my parents decided to let my brother drive my sister and I up.
I was in the car.
I read the message.
My eyes filled with tears and my brother immediately pulled over.
I had starting dancing when I was three but it never was anything of importance to me. My mom forced me to go so I did it. I never noticed how much I loved it until I met her. She taught me how much I loved to dance. She taught me what a role model was. She taught me.
The only thing the message read was this “Danica died last night”.
In that moment everything around me stopped making sense and couldn’t have possibly been real.
She was only 22.
I was only 17.
We had known each other for years, but in the past 2 she had taken me under her wings. She was the first person to believe in me and make me understand how to believe in myself. She recognized how much I loved to dance before I even knew it.
My parents and I decided it was best for me to go to camp for the next week and they’d pick me up early for her funeral if it was necessary.
The next week was a blur because nothing around me actually made any sort of sense.
But for the first time in my life, I actually understood what faith was about.
We started teaching together the following year.
Danica moved me to all the advance dance levels.
She was who I wanted to be, but more importantly she was my friend.
Faith started to become about love, strength, and comfort for me.
I prayed for these things everyday for the next year.
I dance for these things still today.
After she was gone she kept teaching me.
I wouldn’t be dancing without her.
I wouldn’t be who I am without her.
I find faith in inspiration.
I find faith every time I dance.
I find faith every time I create.
I find faith every time I remember her.
I never really had a faith of my own but I always thought I wanted one.
I spent every summer at church camp but I was always to preoccupied with boys so I never though much of faith.
This year, my parents decided to let my brother drive my sister and I up.
I was in the car.
I read the message.
My eyes filled with tears and my brother immediately pulled over.
I had starting dancing when I was three but it never was anything of importance to me. My mom forced me to go so I did it. I never noticed how much I loved it until I met her. She taught me how much I loved to dance. She taught me what a role model was. She taught me.
The only thing the message read was this “Danica died last night”.
In that moment everything around me stopped making sense and couldn’t have possibly been real.
She was only 22.
I was only 17.
We had known each other for years, but in the past 2 she had taken me under her wings. She was the first person to believe in me and make me understand how to believe in myself. She recognized how much I loved to dance before I even knew it.
My parents and I decided it was best for me to go to camp for the next week and they’d pick me up early for her funeral if it was necessary.
The next week was a blur because nothing around me actually made any sort of sense.
But for the first time in my life, I actually understood what faith was about.
We started teaching together the following year.
Danica moved me to all the advance dance levels.
She was who I wanted to be, but more importantly she was my friend.
Faith started to become about love, strength, and comfort for me.
I prayed for these things everyday for the next year.
I dance for these things still today.
After she was gone she kept teaching me.
I wouldn’t be dancing without her.
I wouldn’t be who I am without her.
I find faith in inspiration.
I find faith every time I dance.
I find faith every time I create.
I find faith every time I remember her.
Peer Review
Brandon: For your post about a monotonous job, you did a great job at introducing it. Your tone really conveyed how easily the job was done and what lack of effort you needed to even be successful at it. The blog starting going in a new direction near the end. I appreciated the interesting details but I would have loved for you to stick with the boring. You did a great job writing about graphic novels. I felt very limited by this writing so I was super impressed with how interesting you made this prompt. great work.
Chelsee: For the prompt about your job, I appreciate that you started with your clothing. Immediately it sets us up to see you as doing the same thing over and over. You continued to write about the actual job and it became clear how ingrained the tasks are in your mind. This really made the job and your relationship with it seem monotonous. While writing about graphic novels, I'm glad you related it to your life. It is a topic I know little about so I didn't know what to do with it. Great job at making a topic more distant from you relative.
Leena: I loved how you used sounds to describe your job. This made me really feel as if I was there. You really set the scene so that the audience could feel personally invested. I would have loved to hear more about what you do, but at the same time leaving out the details really captured how mindless the job is. For your post about graphic novels, I agree with you 100%. I just don't really get into them and you really captured my own attitude (more than I did). I really enjoyed your posts this week
Chelsee: For the prompt about your job, I appreciate that you started with your clothing. Immediately it sets us up to see you as doing the same thing over and over. You continued to write about the actual job and it became clear how ingrained the tasks are in your mind. This really made the job and your relationship with it seem monotonous. While writing about graphic novels, I'm glad you related it to your life. It is a topic I know little about so I didn't know what to do with it. Great job at making a topic more distant from you relative.
Leena: I loved how you used sounds to describe your job. This made me really feel as if I was there. You really set the scene so that the audience could feel personally invested. I would have loved to hear more about what you do, but at the same time leaving out the details really captured how mindless the job is. For your post about graphic novels, I agree with you 100%. I just don't really get into them and you really captured my own attitude (more than I did). I really enjoyed your posts this week
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Prompt 49: graphics
Graphic novel writing is really something I have very little knowledge on but still find to be a great medium of writing. I think that it is extremely effective in writing a memoir as shown in Blankets by Craig Thompson and Pyongyang by Guy Delisle. In fact when really looking at it, graphic novels may be a better medium for writing memoirs because of what illustrations can offer the author.
Thompson and Delisle both used the graphics as an opportunity to transfer back and forth from the characters minds and the actual happenings around them. It seems as though the visuals that the illustrations offer make it easy for the writer to capture not just what the character is thinking or doing but also how they are seeing things. Since we live in such a visually stimulated world, these illustrations really give use new insight into a persons mind.
Another thing about graphic novels is how the author uses writing. Language is transformed because they don’t have to invest as much in describing a scene. This is particularly clear in Thompsons writing because he uses illustrations to set the scene and writing to just describe it briefly. For example, he writes “patches of white were swallowed up the till of the field” which is accompanied by an illustration. The picture set the scene and the language aided in capturing the characters emotion. By doing this Thompson showed what the character saw and then how he saw it. This technique really is a huge advantage that graphic artists have.
Overall, graphic novels really offer completely different literary techniques than other forms of writing. It gives the author not just the opportunity to describe a scene but also to show a scene. In terms of writing a memoir, this opens up the authors ability to show the scene and then capture the characters interpretation of it. This tool in itself is what make graphic novels and good means of writing a memoir.
Thompson and Delisle both used the graphics as an opportunity to transfer back and forth from the characters minds and the actual happenings around them. It seems as though the visuals that the illustrations offer make it easy for the writer to capture not just what the character is thinking or doing but also how they are seeing things. Since we live in such a visually stimulated world, these illustrations really give use new insight into a persons mind.
Another thing about graphic novels is how the author uses writing. Language is transformed because they don’t have to invest as much in describing a scene. This is particularly clear in Thompsons writing because he uses illustrations to set the scene and writing to just describe it briefly. For example, he writes “patches of white were swallowed up the till of the field” which is accompanied by an illustration. The picture set the scene and the language aided in capturing the characters emotion. By doing this Thompson showed what the character saw and then how he saw it. This technique really is a huge advantage that graphic artists have.
Overall, graphic novels really offer completely different literary techniques than other forms of writing. It gives the author not just the opportunity to describe a scene but also to show a scene. In terms of writing a memoir, this opens up the authors ability to show the scene and then capture the characters interpretation of it. This tool in itself is what make graphic novels and good means of writing a memoir.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
over : Prompt 45
hey guys. so I steered off the course of the prompt. I wanted to write about a piece I choreographed (which is a non paying job) because it is a job that actually changed me. I spent nearly a year on the piece, so this is just a glimpse of what happened. Writing is a huge part of my process, so I went back into my journal and inserted little parts I wrote over the span of that year.
The job was far from mundane, boring, monotonous but not nearly exciting. It required an obscene amount of work and the ability to dive deep into my own thought process.
I have come to a cross road in my piece. I wanted to integrate over stimulation as the means of drowning in my piece but I am uncertain how to approach that or convey it clearly to the audience. I know that breathe will be key and really allowing it to move me. I need to be consumed with breathe, let the breathe over stimulate the body.
I wanted to do a project on societies drowning in over stimulation. Everywhere I look people are plugged in to something. Its as though people in my generation don’t even know what existence outside of stimulation is as we have become entirely consumed in it.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the structure of the piece. Where it starts and where it ends and at what point balance becomes apart of the piece. I feel the piece should begin already drowning, seeing as our society is continuously drowning in over stimulation. There is no real start or end to the piece, it needs to convey a never ending problem. Then comes to euphoria. When someone drowns they reach a state of euphoria. I don’t know how this transition will occur. I think that can only be discovered as the process unfolds allowing creation to happen. The audience may discover their own understanding of this, I may not be present in this decision.
It had been 5 months since the seed had been planted in my brain. I was starting to understanding the process of creating a work and what it means to be honest about that process. It wasn’t about me or my commentary on over stimulation, it was about the piece being created. the funny thing I’ve been noticing is how unnoticed over stimulation goes. It’s almost as if it’s non existent, when in reality it basically consumes the world we live in. a never ending series of distractions.
Eileen Standley became my mentor and she changed my life forever. I wanted to involve the audience without forcing them to participate. She made me realize that it is not about just representing over stimulation in the body, but about over stimulating the space. If the space becomes over stimulated, the audience will be naturally be apart of this process. I feel like my process is overcoming me, rather than me overcoming the process. I am somehow lost in it, in a sense I am drowning with no euphoria in sight. I am overwhelmed with doubt, I am fearful of what will come next. I have over stimulated myself my creating this piece. I am starting to drown in the work.
The piece has since been performed. On top of nearly a journal full of writing, there have been endless hours spent in the studio generating movement. I created a structured improvisational score that could take three pages to type out. This piece was some of the hardest work that I have done and it is far from finished. It is a process, a never ending, always going, process.
The job was far from mundane, boring, monotonous but not nearly exciting. It required an obscene amount of work and the ability to dive deep into my own thought process.
I have come to a cross road in my piece. I wanted to integrate over stimulation as the means of drowning in my piece but I am uncertain how to approach that or convey it clearly to the audience. I know that breathe will be key and really allowing it to move me. I need to be consumed with breathe, let the breathe over stimulate the body.
I wanted to do a project on societies drowning in over stimulation. Everywhere I look people are plugged in to something. Its as though people in my generation don’t even know what existence outside of stimulation is as we have become entirely consumed in it.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the structure of the piece. Where it starts and where it ends and at what point balance becomes apart of the piece. I feel the piece should begin already drowning, seeing as our society is continuously drowning in over stimulation. There is no real start or end to the piece, it needs to convey a never ending problem. Then comes to euphoria. When someone drowns they reach a state of euphoria. I don’t know how this transition will occur. I think that can only be discovered as the process unfolds allowing creation to happen. The audience may discover their own understanding of this, I may not be present in this decision.
It had been 5 months since the seed had been planted in my brain. I was starting to understanding the process of creating a work and what it means to be honest about that process. It wasn’t about me or my commentary on over stimulation, it was about the piece being created. the funny thing I’ve been noticing is how unnoticed over stimulation goes. It’s almost as if it’s non existent, when in reality it basically consumes the world we live in. a never ending series of distractions.
Eileen Standley became my mentor and she changed my life forever. I wanted to involve the audience without forcing them to participate. She made me realize that it is not about just representing over stimulation in the body, but about over stimulating the space. If the space becomes over stimulated, the audience will be naturally be apart of this process. I feel like my process is overcoming me, rather than me overcoming the process. I am somehow lost in it, in a sense I am drowning with no euphoria in sight. I am overwhelmed with doubt, I am fearful of what will come next. I have over stimulated myself my creating this piece. I am starting to drown in the work.
The piece has since been performed. On top of nearly a journal full of writing, there have been endless hours spent in the studio generating movement. I created a structured improvisational score that could take three pages to type out. This piece was some of the hardest work that I have done and it is far from finished. It is a process, a never ending, always going, process.
Peer Review
Brandon: Prompt 42 has been my favorite blog of yours so far. I love the details you used to describe each person. They were small, seemingly insignificant details that really captured the essence of who they were. I think your flow was strong and the story was captivating. For your next blog, I see where you were going but I think you knew you were missing pieces. Not actually witnessing genocide made it hard to write about, but you prefaced us with that so no one can hold it against you. Good work taking a risk and writing something you are passionate about.
Chelsee: for your blog on Hurt, what prompt was that? Sorry, I got confused. But I really enjoyed the poetic language you used to capture hurt. With something like this, I'm glad you took a more abstract route, it made the piece more powerful. For your next blog, I love that you are willing to be so vulnerable with your writing. I think this piece could be stronger if you threw in some poetic writing like you did with the previous blog. You are writing about something important and I think this will help people to relate more.
Leena: I think it is so great how you use personal experience to describe injustices in the world. I see this blog in two parts: part one is what you wrote, part two: a story where you are not personally invested in the story. I think writing the second part of that blog would push you in a new direction and offer new insight to the issue at hand. Overall, I enjoy the flow of your writing and your language choices. Your writing really comes across as an expression and an outlet.
Chelsee: for your blog on Hurt, what prompt was that? Sorry, I got confused. But I really enjoyed the poetic language you used to capture hurt. With something like this, I'm glad you took a more abstract route, it made the piece more powerful. For your next blog, I love that you are willing to be so vulnerable with your writing. I think this piece could be stronger if you threw in some poetic writing like you did with the previous blog. You are writing about something important and I think this will help people to relate more.
Leena: I think it is so great how you use personal experience to describe injustices in the world. I see this blog in two parts: part one is what you wrote, part two: a story where you are not personally invested in the story. I think writing the second part of that blog would push you in a new direction and offer new insight to the issue at hand. Overall, I enjoy the flow of your writing and your language choices. Your writing really comes across as an expression and an outlet.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
UNjustified eating
She ordered a burger and immediately changed her mind “You know what, actually I’ll have a small salad. With lemon as dressing”. She looks defeated at the idea of even thinking about a hamburger. When looking at her across the table, a hamburger seems like it would do her good. Her figure is smaller than petite without an inch of fat on it. It’s that tiny unitard she has to fit into this weekend that weighs heavy on her mind. A crash diet, if only for this one show, unable to acknowledge she performs every weekend. In fact, she often performs more than that. Her so called crash diet now consumes her lifestyle as she slowly withers away in her own body.
“I’ll have a number one, extra large. Can you put extra mayo on that? Oh yeah and 2 apple pies too.” with no hesitation, an order is placed. This isn’t the first number order made that day, in fact it just falls into a never ending series of meals. No longer needing to know the names of food all his orders come in numbers and sizes. Ingredients never seen to pass his mind and he orders each meal as though he hadn’t eaten in days. The objective of food is to fill not realizing that he is actually overfilled with nothing of value. His body continually grows as he slowly slips away into his own body.
Understanding of health is far from important as people find themselves completely unattached from themselves. As I look around I see a world in which no one needs to have a sincere attachment to their bodies. The imbalance of understanding goes from one extreme to the next and to gain knowledge seems more intangible than is fair. The world around seems to be waging war against their own bodies.
“I’ll have a number one, extra large. Can you put extra mayo on that? Oh yeah and 2 apple pies too.” with no hesitation, an order is placed. This isn’t the first number order made that day, in fact it just falls into a never ending series of meals. No longer needing to know the names of food all his orders come in numbers and sizes. Ingredients never seen to pass his mind and he orders each meal as though he hadn’t eaten in days. The objective of food is to fill not realizing that he is actually overfilled with nothing of value. His body continually grows as he slowly slips away into his own body.
Understanding of health is far from important as people find themselves completely unattached from themselves. As I look around I see a world in which no one needs to have a sincere attachment to their bodies. The imbalance of understanding goes from one extreme to the next and to gain knowledge seems more intangible than is fair. The world around seems to be waging war against their own bodies.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Mono tone. Prompt 42
She rolled out of bed to see nothing but a blank wall. Her cat was her only comfort. She peeled out of bed to slowly walked herself to the bathroom. She couldn’t find the toothpaste anywhere being half awake. It wasn’t where she had last left it.
Oh wait. It was. Funny what the mind does when one is half asleep.
As she walked back into her room her mind still didn’t need to work. It was morning, same repeatable routine as always.
She put on her make-up and her uniform and drove herself to work.
The monotony of work didn’t force her to use much effort. This allowed her to apply her energy towards things that actually mattered.
Headed home from work she wasn’t expecting much. The day had fallen as routine as many.
She looked left.
She looked right. And she froze.
Not to far from where she was looking but not clear enough for her to see.
He had been hit, or was that just..
It couldn’t have possibly.
The other car was gone faster then it even hit the person in front of her eyes.
She rushed out of her car to find a face faintly familiar.
A older version of a past friend. It had been years since the thought of his existence. The face had aged yet it was still so young.
Sirens raced in. people pushed them away.
Stuck somewhere in between the present and the past.
She falls.
Somewhere
Far from the certainty of her daily routine.
Oh wait. It was. Funny what the mind does when one is half asleep.
As she walked back into her room her mind still didn’t need to work. It was morning, same repeatable routine as always.
She put on her make-up and her uniform and drove herself to work.
The monotony of work didn’t force her to use much effort. This allowed her to apply her energy towards things that actually mattered.
Headed home from work she wasn’t expecting much. The day had fallen as routine as many.
She looked left.
She looked right. And she froze.
Not to far from where she was looking but not clear enough for her to see.
He had been hit, or was that just..
It couldn’t have possibly.
The other car was gone faster then it even hit the person in front of her eyes.
She rushed out of her car to find a face faintly familiar.
A older version of a past friend. It had been years since the thought of his existence. The face had aged yet it was still so young.
Sirens raced in. people pushed them away.
Stuck somewhere in between the present and the past.
She falls.
Somewhere
Far from the certainty of her daily routine.
Peer Review
Brandon: The picture placement in prompt 34 added a nice tone of color. I really found this blog rather intriguing as the expert seemed to have a useless expertise. You did a great job at bringing him to life and yet still I felt sympathy for him. The flow was nice and the language use was appropriate. For your idol blog, I like the direction you took it in. You commented on how society can build people up and tare them down. I would have liked to see a more personal correlation between you and your idol, this is something you can consider playing with. Overall, I loved the direction both your blogs went it.
Chelsee: Your wrapping blog showed that you really have skills. I adored the humorous title as well. I think since you choose not to interview someone, it would have been interesting if you went in more depth about your process, and what makes you stand out verses other wrappers. For the second blog, I am surprised you chose the President. You seem to have a strong connection with your family, but you went for something more impersonal. Still I think you made a valid argument and stuck to it. I told Brandon this too, but I would have liked to see a more personal connection with your idol.
Leena: I missed your writing again!
Chelsee: Your wrapping blog showed that you really have skills. I adored the humorous title as well. I think since you choose not to interview someone, it would have been interesting if you went in more depth about your process, and what makes you stand out verses other wrappers. For the second blog, I am surprised you chose the President. You seem to have a strong connection with your family, but you went for something more impersonal. Still I think you made a valid argument and stuck to it. I told Brandon this too, but I would have liked to see a more personal connection with your idol.
Leena: I missed your writing again!
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