“You need to let me know. Either you want me in your life or not. But I can promise you this much, I can’t maintain a relationship like this one” I told him, trying to be as clear, direct, and honest as possible.
“What do you mean? you know…” blahblahblah. Some nonsensical indirect bullshit spills out of his mouth.
“No, stop it. I’m done. You’ve been playing this back and forth with me for years. One minute you’re my friend and the next you wanna be something more. Five minutes later you‘re talking about peanuts acting like it never happened.”
“What are you talking about?” The frustration in his voice begins to swell. “I haven’t been doing anything!”
“You know, this is exactly it, exactly what I’m trying to get you to understand. You can’t call me up one minute expecting me to hop into bed with you and act like nothing ever happened the next. I have no problems just being friends with you but you can’t keep fucking with my head”
“So, your not going to sleep with me then?” he says half serious and half kidding.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Have you even been listening to a single word that I’ve said!” I’ve nearly reached my breaking point by now.
“Are you really moving to Chicago?” His thoughts avoiding the situation. A typical tactic of his
“Wait. What?” Simple confusion is what I am left with, a place I often find myself in conversations with him.
“Let me go with you.” he has that look. The one that tricks me every time into thinking something romantic may happen.
“Where is this even coming from?”
He just gives me that look…again…that grin…that sparkle in his eye. “You’re eyes are so beautiful”
“What the fuck” I say almost exploding into laughter.
“Why are you laughing at me?”
Feeling defeated I sigh “You know. I just don’t understand you. Every time we talk, you just lead me in circles. This conversation is going nowhere. Why can’t you ever just be direct with me?”
And so this endless battle of communicating nothing and talking in circles finally ends. It doesn’t literally end, but it was over for me. We spend the rest of the evening as we always do. Him trying to get in bed with me, me explaining that he’s just my friend and it won’t happen until he starts being direct with me. An endless argument in which we both are never honest about who we are or how we feel. He’s great at distractions and confusions that lead me nowhere. Until finally I just stopped responding to his calls, text messages, face book chats, etc. Years and years of going no where, starting no where, and leading no where conversations that made our friendship. Finally done.
No comments:
Post a Comment