I am the type of person who would rather run 1,000 miles than take on any sort of responsibility. Responsibility leads to commitment and commitment makes me nauseous. To make it worse, I am the youngest of four and have had the opportunity to avoid responsibility for longer than most. I like the idea of waking up to the possibility of life unfolding in front of my eyes. What I have come to realize in my near 22 years of life, that is entirely impossible. I can’t live in a world where I don’t pay bills, don’t have to take care of myself, and can do as I please. I am responsible for more things than I like to admit and thinking about them makes me squirm.

For the past four years, my parents have, slowly but surely, been taking away their responsibilities of taking care of me so that I can take care of myself. To be quite honest, they didn’t have to try very hard because I fought for my independence. I started working when I started college, I got a scholarship to cover my tuition, and I took out loans to pay off the rest. But in the wake of my senior dance show (my final and biggest responsibility in college) I have come to realize I am truly responsible to make my life happen.

20,000 dollars in debt, no job, no place to go, and Ashbury Williams (my cat). The worst part of it all, I gave all of this responsibility to myself. My “wanting to take each day as it comes” has left me unprepared and nervous. I don’t think that I am experiencing anything more than what most seniors in college face, but it is more responsibility than I am ready to take on, or know how to take on for that matter.

I want to be a choreographer. I want to create great art and be apart of great art. That is my life’s responsibility to achieve, and I have not even the slightest clue how to make it happen. I feel as though a truly responsible person would have some sort of plan of action to make all of this happen, but, like I’ve said before, responsibility is not my strength. Being irresponsible has lead responsibility to crash in on me. I can only hope that my inability to be responsible will lead me to finding my way to something.

Here's a photo of my cat. He's just cute.